Poor Man’s Version of SLB’s Period Films: Kalank Trailer is out!!!

Have you seen it yet?

Here, check it out first:

What do you think?

First of all, it seemed they wanted to make it epic hence the loud point-hitting background score. But then Alia’s voice comes and it doesn’t quite match up with the background score.

Like, dialogue delivery and the background music don’t go hand in hand.

Think of SLB’s films’ trailers and perhaps Inception, which had quite a loud and thundering background score but it went very well with every scene and dialogue.

Kalank Trailer is out

It’s clear that Dharma Productions want to make Varun Dhawan and Alia Bhatt their IT couple after Shah Rukh Khan and Kajol. But their pairing just doesn’t work in this film. It could also be an overdose of them together.

Point is, they both don’t suit the period film setting. Alia is trying hard while Varun overacts. Both of them are probably thinking they should do their best in this film and it shows.

Basically, this trailer could have been much more than what they released. It’s just loud background score, bad dialogue delivery from its main leads plus it doesn’t connect.

It’s an empty trailer with no soul. It’s a wannabe film.

There’s a reason why SLB is a tough director on the sets. He wants perfection in every aspect of his film-making! His films take a really long time to shoot and when you see it, you see the hard work: the blood, sweat and big money. Plus, during the shooting of his films, his lead actors can’t really afford to go and sign other films due to their unique look of their characters. He wants the actors to stay in character until shooting and post-production is fully done.

Which was why we knew Kalank would not be up to mark with SLB’s films. For starters, they shot it quite fast. Its cast was busy working on other films while shooting for this film. None of the actors have a particular look, they look the same onscreen and offscreen. OK, maybe Sanju baba. That’s why, they don’t look like they have lived their character. They look like themselves playing their characters! If that makes any sense…

By the way, people are saying it’s Kabhi Alvida Na Kehna set in period times.

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Now we know why KJo didn’t physically direct this film, he was scared of the backlash he would get from copying SLB. So technically, he’s just letting his director take the blame and fall!

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The Plus:

Aditya Roy Kapur – Is there a more handsome hero in Bollywood right now?

Sonakshi Sinha – Why did she waste all these years doing silly flower pot roles when she has actual potential?

They look really good together!

Alia is playing his second wife in the film while Sonakshi is the first. Must be KebabJo’s idea!

That last scene in the train, we would have advised ARK to just let Aloo go. Just let go of her hand, KebabJo will catch it.

Meanwhile, we will wait for him at the next stop with a razor, soap, towel, detergent and hand sanitizer!

Related image

This scene would have been even more epic if Sonakshi was holding ARK’s hand. But then, it seems like at this point in the film Sona left to go shoot Dabaang 3 with Bhai!

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The special appearances:

Madhuri Dixit – In a blink and miss role. She looks like she never left the ‘Devdas’ sets!

Kriti Sanon – In an item song presumably titled Second Class.

Sanjay Dutt – In a blink and miss role, like he is reminiscing about his Sanju days.

Like we said before, Kalank looks expensive!

Now, will it manage to recover its budget?

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Probably Sajid Nadiadwala will sell its satellite rights at a high price and KJo will do his part with his extensive and excessive marketing tactics.

P.S. What’s going on with the way Varun runs? He runs like he’s about to fall! Like the way the British PM walks!

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38 Responses

  1. Rekha Rai says:

    What I love about SLB is he has his muses and vision and he brings people into HIS own world within the movie. That world is not set in any sort of current situation, similar to Riverdale where they are in a world they created themselves or Ram Leela where it’s their world there and their society. Or when it is based in a world like Devdas or Padmavaat he ensures that each each piece of it is true to that world in the sense that you believe that Paro is Paro, etc. The issue with Karan Johar movies is that he tries to bring his actors into the real world that exists that we know of (London, Paris, wherever) but in doing so because he doesn’t know how the real world does he creates a fake world within the real world (ie. SOTY style high school or KKHH high school or K3G with Kareena and Hrithik in college or Kal Ho Na Ho where he has SRK in some pseudo America that no one has ever seen before, or My Name Is Khan with that hurricane scene) and there are elements that are just so bizarre that it brings you OUT of the movie. Similar to this now he’s using a real world point of time but will add such unrealistic elements to it that will likely leave you “out” of the movie scratching your head at the absurdity of it all (ie. Kiara’s abs, random item song, the fact that none of the characters look like they’re within that world – Varun’s bizarre bronze tan..). The only ones who look ok are Aditya and Sonakshi. Madhuri, Varun, Alia while Mads looks great it is a very similar look to what she has done before and Varun Alia look like they’re just acting out Humpty Sharma Ki Dulhania but in different costumes than usual. It’s not fresh and it’s not working.

  2. KV says:

    Too much Alia happening. And what’s wrong with Pinkvilla like/dislike buttons?

  3. Aura says:

    Can’t bear to look at Madhuri in the trailer! Look what they did to her gorgeous face! It’s criminal. She looks gaunt, haggard. On the other hand, look at her in all the promotional videos on YouTube with the gang of Kalank. All eyes go to her and her thousand watt smile. She glows. Alia looks soooooo plain next to her!

    Why do I get the feeling that the original role – offered to Sridevi – was drastically cut down to a small side role for Madhuri. Sridevi would never have settled for this. Then why did Madhuri? Was she that desperate for a KJo movie? Only for the hype and the honor of replacing Sridevi? I bet she is regretting her choice now.

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  4. Tina says:

    Admin, what I really is a light hearted story on ARK’s hair transformation :). He is the original curly mop of Bollywood and I actually quite liked it.

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  5. Anonymous says:

    Varun is no SRK not by a 100 miles and neither is Alia like Kajol. Kajol is not calculated. She is very intuitive actress driven by emotions. She never tried to be the best actress. She is just such a natural that she became one of the best. Also SRK-Kajol’s chemistry stems from deep friendship and mutual respect. Varun and Alia fight likes cat and dog off screen. He is constantly taking digs at her off screen. I couldn’t watch 5 minutes of their interview. He probably thinks she has no personality of her own and is just a puppet in hands of KJo. which she is and she herself admitted on Karan Thapar show that she becomes the person/people around her.

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  6. Lady Laetitia Knollys says:

    Karan’s almost aggressively promoting only Alia closely followed by Varun . All the papers are full of those two ,and PV is running mad with the pair of them . Why have Sanjay & Madhuri been totally sidelined ? Madhuri is hardly there at all , I am pretty sure Sridevi would never have accepted a role which offered her nothing ,so has the script made changes ? Every scene is crafted to show Alia in the best possible light by downplaying every other star , and God help you if you are an actress !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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  7. Two cents says:

    There are a lot of elements in the trailer but no strong emotion. Basically, just no feels. ARK and Sona were a sight for sore eyes. As for Varun and Alia, they look out of place; their voices just don’t have intensity or angst. The last scene that everyone was raving about…I disliked it. At one point, all three were holding hands. It just felt like some teenage crap to me.

    On social media, everyone is raving about ARK/Arjit – must be quite a blow to Alia and Varun. They should stick to their lane…nothing wrong in that! Will not be watching this one. Can’t expect much from Kjo; a superficial person cannot make love intense.

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  8. Universal says:

    Basically, anyone can make a period film but not everyone can pull it off.

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  9. Universal says:

    It was pretty evident from the teaser that it is a wannabe Bhansali movie. Alia-Varun are miscast and ARK-Sonakshi won’t get enough screenspace. In entire trailer, I surprisingly found ARK more balanced and in place as a character.
    Alia trying too hard to look regal and emote through eyes. Varun trying too hard to own the space. Both darling.

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  10. KA says:

    if this film can touch the emotions of the audiences, then it can become a hit. really liked the sets, production designers Amrita Mahal Nakai has done a wonderful work here πŸ™‚ the last scene gave goosebumps, felt for a second that alia was about fall off the train and aditya in nick of time saved her life πŸ™‚ hope this partition tale is nice, the topic of people losing thie family members and life itself is so emotional, so many muslim friends lost their homes,their hindu friends and vice versa πŸ™

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  11. Aura says:

    I have been reading Youtube comments on the Kalank teaser, trailer and songs, and surprisingly there are very few comments on Alia. Most comments are praising the singers Arijit and Shreya, and in terms of acting or screen presence, ARK, Varun, Madhuri and Sonakshi. There are hardly any comments on Alia. This is quite unexpected!

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  12. dahlia says:

    What era is it supposed to be? Looks like a mishmash of period and contemporary! Last scene, Aditya Roy Kapoor looks sooo freakinnn hotttttttt!! Period drama, contemporary drama, drama, no drama, Rama Rama, this boy hold the strings to my pyjamas..!!

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  13. Monalisa says:

    This is Dharma’s version of Tugs of Hindostan. Tugs was supposedly a movie set in 1700 India, but turned out to be a movie inspired by POTC where the courtesan danced and dressed like 2012 Chikni Chameli and Sheila. Kalank is a movie set in 1940, but turned out to be a movie heavily inspired from SLB’s films (RamLeela, Devdas) with item numbers, bull fights, extravagant sets that are more appropiate for a movie set in a make believe universe and time period like Aladdin, Saawariya,RamLeela definitely not in 1940s.

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  14. lucy says:

    anyone else feels like kiara, kriti, madhuri and sonakshi are being knowingly sidelined so as to not appear “more beautiful” than alia?i mean sonakshi with the less jewellery and less grand costumes and shots looked stunning.even kiara,infact the story of “roop” might have suited kiara more.somehow alia with all the hardwork just doesnt strike as someone for whom people will move mountains to get her.she somehow always looks like a 13 year old playing dress up.i always wonder why. urmila was even tinier and more petite but was the epitome of female sensuality in her prime.why is it so difficult to mould alia in the same frame?her voice definitely needs a diction coach to make it more sensual and deeper.varun and alia both.they look so childish trying to have the brooding intense aura around them.if she looks so kiddish in this,that too opposite varun i wonder how she will look opposite vicky when he is all muscled up for takht and worse opposite salman in inshallah.maybe its for the better, she is shoved in all big films, and when her performance is ripped apart maybe people will understand she doesn’t belong in period larger than life dramas.even kangana has similar frame and height as alia, but she looked convincing in manikarnika. alia in certain scenes in the teaser doesn’t look a day older than 13-14.with aditya she looks even tinier.

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    • Aura says:

      Alia has a baby face. She is the “Highway” girl in real life. Her facial expressions, the way she talks – all indicates that she has been babied all her life. A whole gang of people protects her from reality. Even during interviews, she plays the “cute” role to the tee, and like a teenager, draws attention to it. Hence, her face lacks the sign of intelligence, wisdom or maturity that generally shines thru a person’s face with experience.

      This might be good for her when she is in her 40s trying to play 20-something roles. But, in an attempt to become the next big thing, Kjo is pushing her towards more and more adult roles, and it’s not working.

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    • Two cents says:

      @Aura – I feel the same with regards to her voice. There is a quality to it that I just can’t explain but I have always felt that she sounds like a spoiled bratty kid who has had her way all her life. And yes, her only advantage is that when she is in her 40s, she will still looks like she is in her 20s.

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    • Anonymous says:

      Honestly Kiara is not beautiful or even pretty. She is ok. But yes Madhuri has been made to look dull to enhance Alia’s so called beauty.

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  15. Pooja says:

    Kjo knew the trailer was bad. So he planned the promotional strategy for kalank in such way that people get very less time to absorb and critique the trailer.

    Teaser – 3 songs – trailer – 2 songs.
    The trailer is sandwiched between the songs. First create hype based on teaser& 3 songs. Then release an underwhelming trailer. Now in few days he’ll release 2/3 songs which he believes will be hit. And the impact of an underwhelming trailer would be less if people embrace the music album.

    Smooth strategy by kjo.

    But did kjo forget that audience don’t watch movies only based on music. Baar baar dekho is a flop, but the films music is chartbuster.

    Abhishek varman is a good director. I hope the film is much better than what the trailer portrays it to be.

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  16. MotherofDragons says:

    I am actually looking forward to watching it.
    I just hope that it has a strong story, but then again… it’s my fault for being so open minded if I am let down.

    And to answer your question Admin, NO, there is no better looking guy than Aditya Roy in bollywood right now. Really interested in seeing what he does to that character, his look in the train scene was quite something.

    Alia has a way of surprising me, so I wont comment on her being the right fit (or not) until I see the whole movie. She looks best on screen with Varun so that’s a plus for the Kalank team. Another plus is Arijit Singh’s voice.

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    • Nam3less says:

      Another plagiarism on the cards by Kebabjo. Its based on some book. Forgot now and it was mentioned in Reddit. It based during partition and alia’s parent die and has huge debt and to clear that she is married to a rich guy ARK who promises to take care of all things and who already has a wife in Sona. VD is alia’s lover.
      On reddit they actually posted timelines and all how Kjo has been lying about it. He said idea from 15 years and book was released a lot earlier than that.

      More interested to read the book now lol. Will edit the post if i find the book name.

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    • Monalisa says:

      A lot of people tagged the author, Shauna Singh Baldwin but she denied this on twitter. She said she find no similarities apart from the names of the female protagonists (eventhough she did like some of these tweets initially). The book is What the body remembers.

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    • Anonymous says:

      ARK lacks something though that is stopping him from becoming a star or successful lead actor.

    • Bucketbot says:

      Energy??? He used to seem very dull in interviews.

  17. NewGirl says:

    Again, what is Alia, Varun and Adi Roy doing in a 1940s partition saga? Kriti Sanon with abs in an item song. So believable.

    Even the music is meh( but atleast its original) This will do the usual 100 crores and fizzle out.

    @naina – I thought she had a hook for a hand lol.

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  18. naina says:

    Did anyone notice the CGI in the train scene…alias wrist looked very tiny, i coudnt figure even after watching it multiple times …..then someone posted a screen shot on twitter …its like a rod not a wrist..poor cgi….
    love aditya

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  19. Nona says:

    Wooden. Soul less. Forced.
    You got it right when you said wannabe.
    And the fact that 90% of trailer had Alia stinks.

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  20. R U says:

    Is it me or the background Music now sounds Like thoda mix match GOT theme πŸ˜žπŸ˜žπŸ€”

  21. leaps says:

    Kalank is basically what the body remembers the book plus varun’s character because infidelity is what kjo thrives on in his stories. Unlike hrithik who did massive work on his diction and dialogue delivery here neither varun nor alia have the dialogue delivery and diction of early 1940’s. Sorry but alia falls flat in scenes where she is to show emotional break downs it seems forced not natural. The biggest problem with this movie is it doesnt look period at all. Varun with bear chest and styled hair, alia walking around with no dupata on her head with her lover is just making a fool of your audience

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    • leaps says:

      kalank is to bollywood what the new version of aladin is to hollywood both are equally out of place

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    • leaps says:

      as for varun’s run maybe he should have fallowed tom cruise who developed a clean run after realizing his natural running seemed odd on screen after him mutiple actors fallow his steps of how to keep your body posture when running on screen

  22. Hate kjo says:

    Haven’t seen the trailer yet. So cant comment. But I do agree that kjo is not SLB.
    He is trying hard to make Alia the next Deepika but Deepika looks royal and tailor made for SLB period movies. She nails her characters every time she appears in SLB movies.
    Alia’s psychic and looks arent suitable for an epic saga like this. She is a pretty good actress though. But not for larger than life roles.
    Varun is over rated and properly the only hero in younger lot to have hits in recent times.

    All this Alia/Varun banter and chemistry seems forced and fake.

    Too much of Alia is annoying . No other actress is left in Bollywood. Either all are married or not bankable anymore.

    Wonder how Maduri signed the movie? And this crap was actually offer to late Sridevi.

    Kjo is an evil soul . All these celebrities lick his ass . Why they do that? He isn’t that powerful.

    The correct phrase for this movie trailer is ” unchi dukan pheeke pakwan ”

    Still, kjo will manipulate the numbers and Bollywood buddies will shower fake praises.

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  23. Nars says:

    HEHEHE

    This is exactly how I felt

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  24. Ria says:

    @admin this is honest and I had same thoughts thank you for this and clearing doubts on my own thoughts. I was fed up of all hyped title like blown away for this trailer on other websites!!! and i was wondering why am I not feeling like that. I think they were paid ones.

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