Kangana Ranaut turned 32 (?) years old on March 23 2019. Here’s wishing her a lifetime of happiness and more success. Also, here’s hoping that she concentrates on her work more than what’s happening around her. She went on a silent meditation trip before her birthday, so here’s hoping.

Happy Birthday, Kangana! Saw you first in ‘Gangster’ and we thought you were related to Mandakini.

Yeah, we don’t really see it now. But back then, Kangu was new with a fresh face.

So, a reader kindly and angrily commented yesterday how none of Bollywood’s top people wished Kangana Ranaut for her birthday and we thought why not we make them to do it. But, not all of them…Just the ones that Kangu publicly blasted.

So, let’s go…

Happy Birthday, Kangana Ranaut!

Karan Johar

Happy Birthday, Kangu. As you may know my Twitter was hacked yesterday, so I didn’t have access to it to wish you publicly. I would have messaged you, but my phone dropped in the toilet when I saw this while in the bathroom:

Do you know how difficult it was for me to use a normal landline and call up Gauri behen so that she can ask Shah Rukh bhai to stop these snake attacks on me? GUTS, I tell you…

Mistakes can happen…It happened when I called you on Koffee with Karan and you made nepotism a thing. Now because of you I have all these star kids sitting on my shoulders waiting to be launched since you called me nepotism ka baap.

I have to go, I need to script the next episode of Aloo and Sherbet. Yes, this is my life now. Toddles…

P.S. I didn’t watch Manikarnika because Jhansi Ki Rani is not my chachi!

 

Hrithik Roshan

Happy Birthday, person-I-don’t-know (even though we worked together in 2 films). You are the reason Krrish 2 was amazing. You are also the reason why I had to delete my email account. I would have sent you an email, but I don’t want my spam to be spammed in return. Now, let me go back to pretending I don’t know you.

 

Alia Bhatt

Happy Birthday, Kangana. Daddy told me not to contact you anymore after you outed me last time. I really wanted you to come and watch Raazi so that you know what great acting means. Also, I am going to win all the best actress awards this year. Yes, I know. My father is going to MAKE them give it to me. Next year too, it will be mine.

P.S. I didn’t watch Manikarnika because she is not my daddy’s chachi. If she is not his chachi then she is not related to me so why should I watch it! As you know, we only support our own. Dharma and Nepotism Zindabad.

 

Deepika Padukone & Ranveer Singh

Deepu: Asks, “Do I have to wish her? She didn’t sign Shabana Azmi’s Deepika Bachao’s letter, so why should I wish her? ”

Ranveer: Well, you did wish Katrina for her birthday, didn’t you?

Deepu: That’s different. Chalo, you wish her on behalf of both of us.

Ranveer: (Puts on colorful sofa clothing and 70s-style sunglasses, proceeds to switch on phone’s camera) Happy Birthday, Kangana. From me and my wife. Muah…When is the party? Call me and I will come shake a leg with you till morning!

Deepu: Why are you asking her to invite you to her party? Did you forget we didn’t invite her to the wedding?

Ranveer: Oh Sh!t…I have been jumping on people and hitting the ground so hard that I might have gotten ghajini a bit. Never mind. Who cares? Gully Boy is a hit! (Starts singing “Mere Gully Mein, Mere Mere Gully Mein”)

 

Aamir Khan

Oh teriii…It’s her birthday? Oh really?!

 

Ranbir Kapoor

Happy Birthday, Kangana. Wishing you many happy returns of the day. Lots of love.

By the way, why did you have to go and talk about my comments from an interview last year? Do you know how much work I had to put in to make people forget about my insensitive comments? Yes, I am rich I don’t know what it’s like to be middle class or low class. So what? That doesn’t mean because of your stupid comments I have to be sent out on babysitting duties?! Man, this is f@#k!^g stupid. Do you know who I am? And now, my house hasn’t had water in days. That’s why I cannot shower. I have to go to the Hilton’s to shower! This is how rich I am.

 

That’s about it. Did we leave anyone out?

P.S. This is for fun only. Don’t take it too seriously.